Outsider

I'm an Outsider!

I have always felt like an outsider.

Growing up, I was the youngest of three children with two older brothers. They shared a room, I had my own. Everyone had a partner in my family but me. When we went out to eat, oftentimes we were seated at a booth. They'd pull up a chair at the end of the booth, for me, on the "outside."

When I was 6 years old, I was diagnosed with Vitiligo, a skin disorder that kills pigment cells leaving white blotches on your skin. Mostly I had it on the back of my legs, hip flexor area, a little on the my knees, face, and neck. I learned very early on that if I stood in the back of the line or crowd and no one was ever behind me, I had less of a chance that someone would notice the spots on my legs. Thus leaving me on the "outside."

In middle school and highschool, I went to schools that were predominantly hispanic. I loved the people I went to school with, but no matter how hard I tried to fit in, I always felt different. I had plenty of wonderful and loving friends, but always somehow felt on the "outside."

I went to Baylor University for college. After growing up in a mostly hispanic middle class neighborhood, I was thrust into an all-white, extremely wealthy environment. I knew people at age 18 who were driving brand new convertible Porshes. Once again, I didn't quite fit in. While I had many friends, I couldn't help but always feel on the "outside."

As a Christian, I choose to be in the world, but not "of" it.

In John 17:14-16 Jesus says, "I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." A lot of times, I am isolated from people because I chose to spend my time on things that further God's kingdom and glorify Him. I spend a lot of time on the "outside."

In a society that revolves around food, it is extremely difficult to live a healthy lifestyle. I turn down invitations to eat out with friends or go to parties where I know there will be an environment of unhealthy foods and drinks. Sometimes this means even avoiding plans with family! I pack a lot of food and oftentimes show up places with a small cooler of my own foods. I am different, and it is extremely hard at times to go against the "norm" and set myself apart. My choices about nutrition and exercise often leave me feeling on the "outside."

I have spent my entire life trying desperately to "fit in" to be like the people around me. Repeatedly, I have tried to break down the door that separates me from the insiders. But the older I get the more I am learning that the "outside" is really THE PLACE TO BE! Sometimes the more different I am from everybody else, the closer I am to getting it right! So now, instead of hanging my head low in discouragement because I'm not fitting in, I AM INSPIRED TO BE ON THE "OUTSIDE!"

Recently I found this song called, “The Outsiders”, by the group Need to Breathe. The last few bars of the song really struck me:

On the outside you're free to roam
On the outside we've found a home
On the outside there's more to see
On the outside we choose to be

Wow! What a neat perspective! I am FREE by being on the outside! Free because of Christ, free because I no longer have to be on the "inside!" There's definetly more to see on the outside! Amen, on the OUTSIDE, that's where I CHOOSE to be, and IT FEELS GOOD!